Metal Chairs and Kettle Drums
When you're a kid, sitting quietly is akin to being repeatedly whacked with a stick. It's awful. You squirm and squirm, but if you make a sound it's all over.
When I was a kid in primary (I say a kid in primary because I've also served as a primary teacher), they used to hold a sacrament service for the adults and one for the primary. I'm not entirely sure of exactly why this is, but that's what I remember. Every week, the Aaronic priesthood would come administer the sacrament to us and once a month we would hold our own testimony meeting. It was really cool.
One Sunday, during the sacrament service, I was feeling particularly...well, um...gassy. I tried to hold "it" in as best I could, but it was simply inevitable. It was going to come out. I remember distinctly that I was seated at the back of the room on a metal chair (which will come into play momentarily), cheeks clenched in anticipation. I tried to hold perfectly still, but as the air moved around in my stomach I found myself leaning forward to hide the awful growling noises coming from within.
Well, as luck would have it, my "clench threshold" reached its end at the same point we came the most quiet part of the sacrament service. With the entire primary in attendance and in a room where you could hear a pin drop, I dropped the bomb. I tried to be as gentle as possible in letting it out, hoping for a nice little pssshhh..... This, however, was not the case--I remind you that I was seated on a metal chair.
With a giant, thunderous roar, my still small "voice within" rattled off the chair like a kettle drum and resonated throughout the entire room. Fits of laughter ensued and heads began to turn. Being almost on the back row, it was hard to blame it on someone else. I tried anyway by turning around to look at who that "disgusting person was behind me" when I realized the only kids behind me were quickly moving to the ends of their row, pointing and laughing at the tops of their lungs. I was completely embarrassed.
Have you ever been in a situation like that where you did something totally embarrassing and couldn't pawn it off on someone else? What happened and where were you?
When I was a kid in primary (I say a kid in primary because I've also served as a primary teacher), they used to hold a sacrament service for the adults and one for the primary. I'm not entirely sure of exactly why this is, but that's what I remember. Every week, the Aaronic priesthood would come administer the sacrament to us and once a month we would hold our own testimony meeting. It was really cool.
One Sunday, during the sacrament service, I was feeling particularly...well, um...gassy. I tried to hold "it" in as best I could, but it was simply inevitable. It was going to come out. I remember distinctly that I was seated at the back of the room on a metal chair (which will come into play momentarily), cheeks clenched in anticipation. I tried to hold perfectly still, but as the air moved around in my stomach I found myself leaning forward to hide the awful growling noises coming from within.
Well, as luck would have it, my "clench threshold" reached its end at the same point we came the most quiet part of the sacrament service. With the entire primary in attendance and in a room where you could hear a pin drop, I dropped the bomb. I tried to be as gentle as possible in letting it out, hoping for a nice little pssshhh..... This, however, was not the case--I remind you that I was seated on a metal chair.
With a giant, thunderous roar, my still small "voice within" rattled off the chair like a kettle drum and resonated throughout the entire room. Fits of laughter ensued and heads began to turn. Being almost on the back row, it was hard to blame it on someone else. I tried anyway by turning around to look at who that "disgusting person was behind me" when I realized the only kids behind me were quickly moving to the ends of their row, pointing and laughing at the tops of their lungs. I was completely embarrassed.
Have you ever been in a situation like that where you did something totally embarrassing and couldn't pawn it off on someone else? What happened and where were you?
posted by Lessel Peeper at
3:55 PM
7 Comments:
I already posted mine. But I'm glad to provide inspiration, as long as you post something new as a result.
By
Sister Pottymouth, at 1:16 PM
It's getting anyone to read it that's the hard part. :-D
By
Lessel Peeper, at 9:59 AM
I think you should start dropping flyers from a giant blimp. Or write mustard messages on people's lawns...
Or make a banner add promising naked Paris Hilton.
By
Anonymous, at 9:05 PM
Maybe if you posted more frequently...
By
Sister Pottymouth, at 8:51 PM
Eew...Paris Hilton?
I think I'll stick with dropping mustard bombs from my blimp.
By
Lessel Peeper, at 1:49 PM
I don't think any of us wanted to know that you've got the runs, lessel. The image of mustard bombs and your blimp are just too much for my innocent mind to handle. Go take some Kaopectate.
By
Sister Pottymouth, at 9:08 PM
Klay needs a new post.
By
Anonymous, at 9:51 PM
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